Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Odd

I have been getting odd pains in my hips - I had a sleep at the in-laws' this afternoon and when I got up I could barely move my left hip. Very strange.
Had a much better day today, I feel a tad more relaxed even though my daughter is still pretty hyper.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Coping

Thank goodness for Zoloft. I am feeling like the symptoms that saw me put on it originally are coming back. Zoloft is used for depression, mainly, but I find it also helps me with anxiety and to some extent, my anger. But lately I have been having trouble coping with my daughter (who is almost four). She needs constant stimulation and I simply cannot give it to her. What with being pregnant and trying to work from home, it is starting to get on top of me. I want to up my dosage but I am loathe to do it without going to the doctor first. So it looks like an appointment is in order - and perhaps a trip to my counsellor.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Counselling

I had been seeing a counsellor a little while back. I have issues with my anger, depression and severe anxiety. Zoloft helps balance everything out to some extent, but there are times when I feel like it is all getting on top of me and I have trouble coping.
Previously, after my daughter was born (in late 2004), I had a pretty bad time of it, and was diagnosed with post natal depression (although it was determined I had been suffering from depression for many many years). I was paranoid about my daughter - in particular, that she would develop leukaemia or be kidnapped. The thoughts plagued me; although for example, when we were out shopping I didn't look over my shoulder every two seconds, I was scared it would happen - that someone would take her from me.
At odd times thoughts come back - like today, we were at a play centre and she wandered off wearing her sunglasses. I heard a child cry and the image popped into my head of my daughter having been hit in the face wearing her sunnies - and I saw the picture of her eye popped out, hanging down, and her cheek cut open from the plastic lens cutting her. It was as clear as day. But the thoughts are not as persistant as they were after she was first born.
Another thing I had bad trouble with was my anger. My daughter had colic and reflux, and screamed for about 3 or 4 hours every afternoon. I usually ended up in tears next to her, screaming at her to be quiet and go to sleep. I was paranoid about her sleeping. If she didn't get a nap at the right times I was almost beside myself. I am a little like that now, at bed time. Anyway when she was a baby I had a terrible time with anger towards her. It's all wrapped up in being an IVF mum. But they were the three conditions I suffered with - depression, anxiety and anger.
So I had been seeing a counsellor just recently as my doctor (God love him) was worried about me coping with the FMS, the IVF and my daughter being so active. The counsellor was great, gave me some wonderful coping mechanisms that for the life of me I can never remember to do when I am getting stressed or angry. And after four sessions we agreed that we'd see how I went on my own, and if I had trouble to make another appointment And more so after the baby was born, to head off PND again.
And I am wondering if it is a failure on the part of the counselling or myself that I can't remember the techniques when I need them most!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Hip Pain... AGAIN! Ack!

My hips are killing. I think I can safely say that the cortisone injection I had (whenever it was, I think it was before Christmas) has not worked. I have no idea what the next step is, as my doctor and I had thought that the injection would do wonders for me. Perhaps it has something to do with the pregnancy, I don't know. But I am awake on and off during the night in absolute agony, and then of course when I try to roll over I get the round ligament pain. And then I am worried about sleeping on my back (being pregnant, you shouldn't) or on my right side (being pregnant, you shouldn't do that either). So all night I am rolling from side to side every 40 minutes to an hour, worrying about sleeping on my right side or back, and trying to not hurt.